APPLESAUCE!

this is, in the immortal words of one Ron Weasely: bloody brilliant!



this one is also quite good:

GO TEAM!

it's an early christmas, courtesy of mr. jarrett reynolds, rah rah rah!









it's a sample, the real deal can be seen here (below the shoes) and here. this makes up for not getting a varsity jacket in high school due to the soccer coach being a stupid c*#k.

mostly for andrew and jonathan

interesting little post here. overly simple but intriguing sentiments, is there finally a generational sea change ahead?

who has a new favorite song?

this weblog does. you can right-click right here and Save As for some bouncy, digital-didgeridoo-y, cute-sounding-girl-singing-y fun.

sweaters of a ridiculous nature

please to enjoy these digital photographs of assorted ridiculous holiday sweater party attendees:


(click image to launch gallery)

what's grosser than gross?

an office lady hanging a burgundy velvet christmas stocking over her cubicle that says:

I'VE
BEEN
VERY
VERY
VERY
NAUGHTY

what's grosser than that?

seeing another one the next floor down.

holy freaking -blam!-

i almost lose it every time i watch this. higher quality here.

edit: the halo story arc is the closest thing to a contemporary mythology that i've encountered so far. if they continue to flesh it out with movies, books, etc. while maintaining their high benchmarks of quality it could easily become the biggest cultural juggernaut since star wars.

i absolutely love the interplay between reading the books and "becoming" the main character during gameplay. i'm sure there's tons of more serious writing out there on the subject, but goodness gracious if i don't love me some halo and every time i watch him run out from behind that shield thing and charge the brutes i am ready to go tearing into the battlefield after him, guns blazing. MASTER CHIEF FOR PRESIDENT!

oh, and hey, check this out

my mobile phone got a weblog.

oh, almost forgot

i wins:

leftovers for christmas

ok, this post is just for jackie, click the images to get to their pages...

selector!

this cat was lookin' like brian austin green in oversized-cream-colored-cable-knit sweater, skinny beard, short-fade-gelled-up hair, lightly-mirrored-euro-sunglasses and smoking a marlboro light. i think if i saw him pull up to a club in that silver jetta with that license plate, pop the trunk to grab a crate of records, flick his cigarette butt in the gutter and handshake/hug the bouncer before walking in, i might actually die from the overwhelming lack of irony.


click for full view.

demerol and grape soda

disk jockey tim

cousin timothy was on the airwaves last night, so i tuned in via my internets and recorded the whole thing (warning: massive, two hour mp3).

the thing that blows my mind straight out of the water is that YOU CAN UNDERSTAND EVERY SINGLE WORD COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH. for those that have attempted conversation with him, this will be nearly unbelievable as he is the fastest-speaking, most-mumbling, least-complete-sentence forming person in all of Aotearoa. perhaps we should fashion some sort of harness that sticks a microphone in front of his face and tell him he's on the air all day.

draw your swords to strike!

i get the feeling that if the Vikings had had iPods and some Viking Metal to listen to, they probably would have overrun the roman empire. if the draft is ever reinstated and i end up on a battlefield, i'll probably take two fully charged iPods full of that stuff to keep me raging on.

and who knew Vikings had it in so bad for the Irish?

if these guys are the spiritual echo of the Scandinavian warrior culture, i'm left with little doubt as to why the Mediterranean civilizations were so freaked out by the men in the north... i can't deny some part of me resonates with it all: ships, swords, horses, hammers, dreams, warfare, victory in battle, Valhall awaiting... awesome!

(right-click and Save As on those files, btw.)

brilliant use of logic

Bill O'Reilly never fails to provide entertaining mutterings of a deluded mind... going through life absolutely unfettered by critical thought or basic observation must bring such simple joy.

i'm sorry, what?

in what may be the strangest comparison ever drawn since, well, ever, my cousin jeremy's wife, brydie, emailed to my wife, stephanie, the following:

Hi Stephy,
Jeremy and I were watching T.V yesterday and flicked onto the Music channel where we saw Matt playing killer keys... Well it looked like him so much i thought i would look the band up on google and find a good photo for you! hopefully it works!
But any way, how have you been??
Hows Matts mo coming along? seen him on Tims sight :) {Ed: the site was just as much my idea as tim's and i came up with the name, kthxbye.}
Hows your cat?
Jeremys deal hasnt gone trough yet but hes working on more for us to come visit! and were deffinatly on for Japan!! im going to get a book and learn Japanese, just so im ready!! Im going to buy some Pony's! thats what i want!! and those missy eliot high top shoes!! those are cool!!
ok going to lunch now
Peace!!
xoxoxxoBK

seriously? eddie van halen? anyway...

uncanny

desk map

shane says his workspace is messier than mine. i say not, his piles are actually separated and organized whereas mine, well, i refer you to the following photographic evidence:


click for unnecessarily large version.

superior qualities

interconnect

this morning while waiting for the train i was looking out from the platform at highway 24 traffic driving past. then i was imagining a truck losing control at 80 mph and disintegrating, one of the tires flying off, over the fence and tracks, straight towards me. of course i ducked the wheel in this little daydream, but the people in line behind me weren't as quick. smash...

after lunch, this article was on the front of sfgate.com.

rough times

shane's been facing some adversity lately, so we're getting a beer after work (i'm ludacris [on the right]):

devil also rides in limos and has a huge house

couple weeks ago on the plane i watched The Devil Wears Prada. at the climax, when our heroine climbs out of the car and walks away from fame and fortune, i became incensed. how the heck you gonna do all that hard work and then just frickin chuck it, right on the cusp of the super big payoff? at least live the life for a little bit, stack some chips for later and THEN walk away rich, famous and then infamous for leaving it all behind. i was seriously mad at her. i was even madder at her sissy boyfriend. stick to your guns, son! you can't just take her back after half a cup of coffee and a weak apology... worst ending ever.

TGIF, babies

i'm the dolphins:

rawkin out

another fine example of why i'll never listen to any straight reggae, post-bob marley. this stuff is infinitely more interesting. indeed.

weird sky

mutinous namesake

what a charming fellow.

battlestache launches

that's right, your tiny little minds never saw it coming and now you all will cower before the unyielding juggernaut that is... BATTLESTACHE.BIZ!

spell check

nike&ebay

if you've ever seen these shirts and ever searched for nike "sport culture" stuff on ebay, then you'll get this:

things to eat in denver when you're hungry

guinness and colorado buffalo sausage. mmmmm, spicy...

soft rock = eternal suffering

soft rock is the most depressing miasma humankind has ever unleashed upon itself. a small sampling of places YOU could be attacked by soft rock:

•the dentist
•the boyfriend couch in most shops in the mall
•the rental car desk in milwaukee after arriving at night, alone, in the freezing cold

unrelateditionally, those saturn ads where they have people saying "that's a saturn?" are freaking perfect, i've done that, like, three or four times in the last month or so. the new look for their fleet is a major step up.

3pic pr3zz ch3xxor pix FTW!

defeat snatched from the jaws of victory

attending a concert the night before the last day of the nike+ challenge proved fatal to mr. thompson's prospects of securing first place in the competition. he found himself in no condition to attempt rebuttal of mr. colburn's heroic, last-minute surge, viewed by many as akin to magglio ordoñez' walk-off home run against the oakland athletics in the final game of this year's ALCS.



mr. thompson and mr. reynolds both graciously conceded defeat in the face of strong celebratory remarks issued from the colburn camp with reference to phallic consumption, familial superiority and implied misgivings regarding mental and physical fortitude.

in related news, all involved parties agreed that mr. whitmire would best serve his own interests by acquiring the necessary tools to participate in forthcoming engagements as quickly as possible. "he needs to stop being a biatch," said mr. colburn. "yeah, word," said mr. thompson. "i'm in hong kong, nerds," said mr. reynolds.

exhaustion

melody got married this past sunday and an absolutely lovely time was had by all. about three quarters of the way through the reception i started to crash hard. i hadn't paid much notice to the level of stress we were operating at up until that point... family functions occuring more-or-less nightly for one week straight can really take it out of a fellow. the party was alcohol-free but i still felt almost hungover at work on monday. hopefully many pics will surface in the coming weeks... it's funny how even though we're all exclusively digital these days, it still takes time to upload and review and edit and enjoy and finally share the images. someone should do a graph comparing the time it takes, on average, to "process" digital photos on your own with how long it took, on average, to get film developed and sorted and into albums and other people's hands. it could look something like this:



but more scientifically robust, with actual historical facts and figures.

in other news, george made an outstanding effort in the nike+ challenge:



which inspired me to push to reclaim the lead tonight:



i almost totally blew it, i'd run about a half a kilometer before i noticed i'd set the wrong distance as my goal and then tried a new route in order to avoid hills but choose very poorly and hit, like, two extra hills. i seriously didn't think i'd pulled it off. dear diary, i ran real fast today, kthxbye.

worst headline ever?

how to feel gay

if you want to feel totally gay, leave work at 5:30, get into the air-ride equipped shuttle that will take you to bart, notice that The Chronicles of Narnia is playing on the flat screen tv in the shuttle and then while stopped at a stoplight, look out the window and behold this:



congratulations, you now feel preeeeetty gay.

how crayons are made

or, were when i was a kid, anyway...

iss friday! an you ain' got shittadew!

y'know the new shuttles i typed of previously? today our fine driver had a michael jackson music video compendium playing; brilliant end to the work week.

on to important things... if you haven't heard of Subtle, you SUCK. just kidding, i'm just messing with you, you're ok... not really. no, man, you're fine! it's cool, no worries man... frickin jerk... nononono, it's all good, just go buy all their records and there won't be any problems...

their music is 80 times better than whatever band you like, except maybe tv on the radio or mf doom or mastodon or prince or beethoven or something. the keyboardist got all messed up in a wreck on tour a while back, but i've seen him at GAMH a couple times, i think at pelican and jamie lidell shows. his wheelchair has, like, hydraulic lifts on it so he can see over the crowd. or probably to get stuff out of cabinets and off shelves...

this song right here has been on repeat in iTunes for 78.5392% of my waking hours this past week. if you love it or, for some strange reason, aren't convinced that they completely rule and you're either mildly clever or familiar with non-secured website directory structures, you can find the rest of the record and formulate your own opinion, but know this: if it is contrary to that stated above, it is entirely incorrect.

quick notes

tourist man to tourist wife while looking at alcatraz, "honey, we just need to go down there, get some tickets and take that tour of san quentin." best of luck with that one...

whilst watching the blue angels practice today, marina girl to marina guy, "i see them before i hear them, but there's no sonic boom..." the good part was listening to him try to explain to her that light travels faster than sound, even if you're flying at subsonic speeds. she also declared "the jet fuel is making those lower clouds all weird," discounting the angle of the sun at this time of day and the fact that those low clouds were actually WAY north and east of our vantage point.

they got posh new shuttles at work, equipped with DVD players and a flat screen at the front. this evening we were treated to 15 minutes from Flightplan. i'd forgotten how lame that movie was.

a friend confessed to an epic revenge manuever last night. upon breaking up with his ex, during the move-out process, he neatly disposed of a few random copies from her until-then complete set of O, The Oprah Magazine. words fail to describe the awesomeness of that subterfuge.

monty halo

betting fool

check out the last of the question of the week responses...

Jet gets OWNED by pitchfork

you have to see for yourself...

convergence

now my xbox 360 keeps a weblog... things are getting a little creepy around here.

9am meeting

data recorded during said meeting:



i think it's a fish, someone else thought a bird...

beware the birchmen

saw mastodon monday night, it was akin to standing next to a bomb going off for an hour. my hearing may very well never recover, but gosh dang if it wasn't worth it. getting right in the middle of the pit at a bonafide metal show is quite the invigorating antithesis to spending every freaking day in a grey cubicle working with 88% women and 11% gay men... i'm just sayin. every now and then one should get sweaty and bruised with one's fellow dudeguys. i'd post some pics from the trusty phonecam, but i was way too busy A - downing beers and B - "dancing" and "singing along" to bother with lighting, composition and any other photographic concerns.

this morning whilst attempting to get some coffee, i was blocked from the holy grail peet's carafe by a pregnant woman stirring sugar into her latte who was conversing loudly about the pros and cons of pregnancy with the severely WASPy woman who heads HR (i think, she just showed up in our building a while ago and has an office among the executives and talks mostly to HR people). i tried the whole making eye contact and bodily gesturing towards my goal thing, but they weren't having it. feeling invisible is fun! perhaps my 15-year-old oakland athletics sweatshirt was a bad choice of attire for this morning...

note to self: bring earplugs to next show.

note to unfortunate readers of this endless stream of nonsense: look at these:

ninja

whiskey tango foxtrot?

oh, it's already been broughten!

O RLY?



YA RLY!

labor day

this is an incomplete and out-of-order recap of the now long-ago labor day weekend:

it was a family reunion, loads of people there. some of my cousins have more kids than i have video game consoles.

my truck's transmission blew up about 5 miles from the destination.

at dinner the first night my dad thanked the Lord for the camp we were staying at and the blessings it bestowed on the disabled children whom it serviced.

the disabled gentleman that directs the camp stood up afterward and informed us that the proper term to use on the premises was "differently-abled." that wasn't unbelievably awkward or anything...

i played loads of table tennis and still can not beat my dad.

my cousin tyler snapped his jeep's axle attempting an interesting jeep manuever, hopefully pics of that will be forthcoming.

apparently some drama went down between my cousin devon and the director but i wasn't present as he was showing a video about the camp and i had to bail. i get shocks of pain when i see those gnarly casts with bolts and stuff, extreme cases of different-ability, wheelchair-bound people and anyone with just about any birth defect. i also tend to get light-headed and/or faint inside hospitals or while trying to watch Murderball.

my uncle rick and cousin dillon brought up a load of guns. i found out i'm pretty handy with the ol' weaponry and i'm thinking seriously about getting a gun license now...



ps: with tyler's help and uncle rick's F-250, i was able to haul my truck down from Sonora to grandma and grandpa's house yesterday. hopefully after uncle rick gets back from belize on thursday he'll still be interested in buying it...

LEGO Art

"Take a further look into the making of the cover image for Issue 10 of Winding Road. Artist Todd Osborn (Sound Murderer) created an image of the AUDI R10 out of some 20,000 LEGO bricks."

now, THAT'S a party

chinese food...

...told you to invite me to all your parties:

happy bday george

only canvas, contact paper, krylon and paint pens were harmed in the making of this piece.

it's funny

i'm on the right, click for greater legibility:

urges

this is so much funnier than anything else you've read so far today.

now i want to work at wendy's

read more | digg story

banksy > paris

guerilla art rules!

eat my dust

nike+mattisawesome.



freaking finally got one run under my belt towards my goal.



in related news, the powersong is now Mastodon - Crystal Skull. if aphex twin is braindance then mastodon are brainmetal. but not nerdy. anyway, nothing gives you a visceral charge quite the way pounding, driving, epic guitars and drums with a dude screaming at you about "RUNNING THROUGH THE DARKNESS; HOLDING HEARTS IN MY EYES; FALLING SHORT OF GAUNTLET; COVERED IN BLOOD SUCKING FLIES!" can. it's like i was telling george the other day, it sure sounds more interesting than my day-to-day... not to mention, briefly imagining i'm some viking warrior fighting my way through the demon horde definitely puts a little pep in my step. and hey, since itunes won't publish my running playlist, due to none of the songs in it being for sale there, here in all it's glory, my running playlist (not recommended for children under 16 or the easily-offended):

DMX Krew - Blimp Beats (Remix)
a little funk to get ya warmed-up with.

Enduser - Faceless
pickin up the pace, but still a little on the mellow side.

Jega - Fireball
now we're getting quick, this is right about where i hit the big hill, good time for a boost.

Daedelus - Turncoats In Tourniquets
speedy little number, very layered, good for zoning out to and focusing on your breathing.

Belladonnakillz - Neverever
classic hardcore/jungle kinda beat, nice and fast and it starts with "a lot of things that you are running away from..." relevant, you see?

Doormouse - Traxxx
yeah! fast and noisy and the star wars cantina song is being dragged behind a truck somewhere in there! i usually hit skip at the end, around the part about radishes.

Soundmurderer - Big Time (Core Mix)
first she says relax, then the dude starts yelling at you about you think you big time, then it goes all aggro and this is about where i hit the final stretch.

Mastodon - Crystal Skull
see paragraph three. i'm usually done before this comes on, but it's perfect for the powersong function when i need that extra kick in the pants to keep pace.

OOO - All Through
fitting title for a cool-down track. lovely whilst walking in circles around my building trying to breathe normally again.

(edit: fixed the mastodon lyrics about darkness, gauntlet and flies.)

future preacherman

AY! andy even has a weblog!

get down

listen to Burial - Distant Lights and watch that thing. creepy.

things i found out tonight

1 - we own Buffy The Vampire Slayer on DVD. i came back from jupiter to find the final fight scene playing on our TV, muted, while steph was chatting with andy and:

2 - whitney, who has a weblog of her own.

3 - shane's new GF is super cool.

4 - it was reinforced, once again, that knowing a person who dates knows a person that works at an establishment that serves excellent beer has significant benefits.

5 - i'll probably order the porter rather than the red spot at jupiter from now on.

and finally 6 - i need to cut my cat's claws.

ps: earlier this afternoon, while reviewing the color proofs for our holiday catalog, the SVP of creative services and i compared high scores for the minigames on New Super Mario Bros. for the nintendo DS. that is easily in the top five coolest things that have ever happened in my tenure at this company, quite probably in the top three.

hear here

bob dylan speaks out on contemporary album sound-quality deficiencies.

spy guy

according to the CIA, i am a:

profanity is funny

many informations

this two weekend(s ago [that's how long this post has languished in draft purgatory and is why it's so fat and rambling]) was stupid hot. i got up at 5am to stand in line at niketown and get the retro jordan IV, mars blackmon edition. here's the sunrise, as seen from the alley behind niketown SF:

here's the wristband:

here's the shoe, courtesy of kixandthecity.com (click it for more pics):


george went as well and we marveled at the 80º weather in SF at 5:45am, marveled at the fact that we had both been wanting a pair of these shoes since fourth grade and marveled at the effectiveness of the latest snickers ad campaign - we had both bought and thoroughly enjoyed one within the last week. hungerectomy, indeed.

we then ate some breakfast at some cafe, played ping pong at urban outfitters and otherwise generally loitered in the stinking hot sun while waiting for huf to open, so that we might peruse the goods on display during their annual sale. of course, the goods were great and we both excercised our capitalist rights and spent too much money on more freaking sneakers because "they're on sale, i was gonna buy them at full price, like, three weeks ago anyway!" i got these, and these:


speaking of excercise, we also each copped a pair of these super slick nike+ jams, since they were the same price as the normal ones, but in a "tier zero" colorway (might as well look slightly cooler than the next geek with technology in his shoes). check the link for more info if you live in a cave.


upon the public announcement of this whole nike + ipod rigamarole, i announced unto anyone within earshot that i would buy the shoes, the kit and a nano as soon as they came out. so i lagged a little, but i've got it all now and i freaking LOVE it. it being the seamless integration of technology into my life, giving me a greater sense of well-being and vastly improving the chances that i will run every dang day. it is seriously the biz having some disembodied chick tell you how far and how fast you're running at the push of a button. then having your ipod just throw that data at the nike.com site as soon as you connect it to your computer. and then having itunes ask you if you'd like to gaze upon the glorious data that confirms you are lowering your blood pressure, increasing your endurance, strengthening your body and totally becoming badass. and finally looking at that data all graphically fresh and tasty and interactive...

tellin' you, man... this setup is hottt. i can't wait 'til some friends hop on the bandwagon, cuz nothing beats comparing stats online (see: xbox live gamercard, up and to your right). by the way, that big dip in the pace is the part where i run up a really steep hill. serious, ask steph, it's big.

lastly, i call upon you, the reader, to please consider my nomination for the best recontextualization of 2 disparate elements in recent memory: