toyota yaris review

i was just at the second best wedding ever (yes, of course, mine was the best ever), but more on that later. for now, let's REVIEW A RENTAL CAR:



i may very well still be completely high on life, but the toyota yaris was instantly one of my favorite rental cars of all time. it's small enough to park in between spaces, it turns on a dime (literally: i put a dime on the ground and turned on it), it has about 945 terribly convenient glove boxes and compartments built in to the dashboard and doors and it isn't offensive to the eye.

going against it are the obviously cheap materials and build quality (exposed, silver bolt heads in the black plastic console and loose seals between pieces) and the fact that the trunk is completely nonexistent.

but, you know what? ANDI AND JARRETT'S WEDDING WAS SO FUN MY HEAD NEARLY EXPLODED AND I GOT SOME INSANE NEW SHOES AND SOMETHING RESEMBLING A TAN! SIX HUNDRED AND FIFTY THREE OUT OF FIVE STARS!

kia optima review

this car was a mixed bag. when i first got in, i saw this:



shrieked like a little girl, and jumped out of the car to grab my iphone and USB cable from my bag in the trunk. i hopped back in, plugged it in and was thoroughly disappointed to see the phone's charging screen flicker on and off rapidly until the radio's screen said something about not able to recognize blah blah. major bummer.

until i realized it had a fully operational death star satellite radio. i tuned that puppy in to liquid metal and proceeded to enjoy every moment in the vehicle from then on.

otherwise, it handles fine, the dashboard sucks and it is aesthetically utterly unremarkable. 3 out of 5 stars.

readymade

i made some art this morning. i call it "le chat blanc."

disconnected

all my internetting has slowed to a crawl recently as i've actually being doing things with my hands IRL. maybe you'll see some of those things, probably you won't. for now, i give you these recent words of affirmation from my wife of eight years:

"no, you just look like a slob. i'll let you know when you look like a (expletive deleted) slob."

the north face 404 page is so metal

christo lite

someone is wrapping stuff and locking it up around levi's plaza:

i wonder if it's a tribute to jean-claude...

encryption

i was cleaning off the top of my dresser and found the weirdest note ever. i can not, for the life of me, figure out when i wrote this or what it refers to:



seriously, why was steph fighting a boat and who on earth is brian?

rental car review

SUPER RENTAL CAR LAZY LATE POST REVIEW BATTLE START!

last month's car, chevrolet HHR:



this "car" was one of the most confusing machines i've ever interfaced with. from a distance, it looks like some old timey ice cream truck kind of thing so it was a little weird to walk up and discover i'm about a foot taller than it. upon closer inspection, it looks like the hideous result of a PT cruiser copulating with a scion XB... ex pee tee bee.

once inside this blocky little minivan, you are confronted with a full-size truck steering wheel and console and pickup-truck seats. seriously, the wheel was bigger than the one in my old ford ranger, it took 45 minutes to turn the wheel enough to pull into a parking place. my mom's old '76 coupe deville had a giant steering wheel but it was to scale... i miss that big, beautiful boat.

also, the windshield was about six inches tall. honestly, who's designing these things? sacrificing visibility for a hideous "look," sounds like a great plan! one out of five stars.

this month's car, honda civic:



japan wins. this car doesn't look so stupid that i'm embarrassed to step out of it, it drives just fine and the interior didn't cause confusion and discomfort. if i had a kid in high school and they graduated with a 4.0 and saved up money to put as a down payment, i would totally buy them a civic. the only real negative: road noise was loud enough that i couldn't hear my phone on speakerphone. i'd actually request this car again, four out of five stars.

new hat

i came back to the plant after dinner tonight and found something amazing hidden under my stack of OK'd sheets:



apparently one of the dudes on press has a side business...

dunkin'

i reeeeeaaaaaally wish we had dunkin' donuts in the bay area. sure, the donuts are great, blah blah blah, but it's the coffee that turns my frown upside-down. i think when you order your coffee "with milk and sugar," that's secret code to "sprinkle a little crack dust on it."

i've never been so happy for a buck sixty nine...