mazda 3 review

this weblog has long suffered in the purgatory known as "i-am-way-too-busy-to-post-stupid-crap-anywhere-other-than-facebook-land." so let's resurrect it with everybody's favorite: a rental car review!



last week i had to fly out for a press check on a sunday (boo!) and monday was my birthday (BOOOOOOOO!) but this car was my little birthday miracle. for starters, it was black. always nice to have something other than white, burgundy or gold. second, it was reasonably fast and handled mighty nicely.

but the vehicular icing on the birthday cake: BLUETOOTH HANDSFREE. i got to make telephone calls from the steering wheel and every time i got in the car it started playing MY music from MY phone.

i love the future.

5 out of 5 rental car stars.

toyota corolla review

not much to report on this car, it accelerated and handled fairly well for a rental car with over 30,000 miles logged. the best thing about it was the black paintjob; muuuuuch better than driving a goofy white car AND it was right after the raiders beat the chiefs, so being in a black car just felt "right."

the second best thing about it was when, while rocking out to some Poison on the radio, i managed to punch the shifter knob into neutral. it took a moment for me to realize the sudden, hideous screaming noise outside was being caused by my mashing the gas pedal to the floor while the transmission was completely disengaged...

three out of five stars, yo.

depressing travel photos

i swear, i was planning to do this before jarrett did it. anyway, i think mine are more depressing...

subaru impreza hatchback review

yeah, i reviewed an impreza before, but that one didn't have ALL-WHEEL DRIVE. i can't even begin to describe how much of a difference that makes. it's like going from a skateboard to an audi. and subaru knows it, 'cause they threw down for an interior that's slightly nicer than the borimpreza. the hatchback is a car i would actually request in the future... if i wasn't on some ridiculous mission to review a load of different rental cars for my stupid weblog.

also, someone remind me to bring a car adapter with an audio cable next time, all the cars have aux jacks now.

kia optima review

this car was a mixed bag. when i first got in, i saw this:



shrieked like a little girl, and jumped out of the car to grab my iphone and USB cable from my bag in the trunk. i hopped back in, plugged it in and was thoroughly disappointed to see the phone's charging screen flicker on and off rapidly until the radio's screen said something about not able to recognize blah blah. major bummer.

until i realized it had a fully operational death star satellite radio. i tuned that puppy in to liquid metal and proceeded to enjoy every moment in the vehicle from then on.

otherwise, it handles fine, the dashboard sucks and it is aesthetically utterly unremarkable. 3 out of 5 stars.

rental car review

SUPER RENTAL CAR LAZY LATE POST REVIEW BATTLE START!

last month's car, chevrolet HHR:



this "car" was one of the most confusing machines i've ever interfaced with. from a distance, it looks like some old timey ice cream truck kind of thing so it was a little weird to walk up and discover i'm about a foot taller than it. upon closer inspection, it looks like the hideous result of a PT cruiser copulating with a scion XB... ex pee tee bee.

once inside this blocky little minivan, you are confronted with a full-size truck steering wheel and console and pickup-truck seats. seriously, the wheel was bigger than the one in my old ford ranger, it took 45 minutes to turn the wheel enough to pull into a parking place. my mom's old '76 coupe deville had a giant steering wheel but it was to scale... i miss that big, beautiful boat.

also, the windshield was about six inches tall. honestly, who's designing these things? sacrificing visibility for a hideous "look," sounds like a great plan! one out of five stars.

this month's car, honda civic:



japan wins. this car doesn't look so stupid that i'm embarrassed to step out of it, it drives just fine and the interior didn't cause confusion and discomfort. if i had a kid in high school and they graduated with a 4.0 and saved up money to put as a down payment, i would totally buy them a civic. the only real negative: road noise was loud enough that i couldn't hear my phone on speakerphone. i'd actually request this car again, four out of five stars.

new hat

i came back to the plant after dinner tonight and found something amazing hidden under my stack of OK'd sheets:



apparently one of the dudes on press has a side business...

dunkin'

i reeeeeaaaaaally wish we had dunkin' donuts in the bay area. sure, the donuts are great, blah blah blah, but it's the coffee that turns my frown upside-down. i think when you order your coffee "with milk and sugar," that's secret code to "sprinkle a little crack dust on it."

i've never been so happy for a buck sixty nine...

PBS at 3AM

a photo essay...

best truck ever?

yes, yes it is.

subaru impreza review

RETURN OF RENTAL CAR REVIEW!!!

for a rental car, you could do worse.

sure, every. single. thing. inside is plastic BUT it's a fairly nice grade of plastic, not completely offensive to the touch. the engine, sans turbo, still had enough guts that i didn't feel like an idiot trying to merge on to the freeway. the design of the body and interior are super boring. so boring that i didn't even notice it had a sunroof until i was buying gas on the way to return it. i don't really have anything else to say, it was neither awesome nor crap enough to incite florid witticisms.

in summary, all you can ever hope for in a rental car: 3 out of 5 stars.

sky mall

something fishy...

walked in to the susquehanna club in MDT, fox news on the tv and they're reporting about iWatch: a program in LA that recommends if you notice something out of place in your daily routine, report it as it may be terror-related. well, this was waaaaaay out of place for me...









for goodness' sake, click on the photos and go to my flickr, i can't stand how much compression blogger is doing to these images...

janitor art

mazda 5 review

hello, and welcome to the first installment of a new feature here at THIS IS SO DUMB: rental car review!



when i was picking up my car from the friendly folks at the hertz counter in MDT, the clerk asked "right now you're in a mazda 5, is that OK?" i did not heed that subtle warning and answered "sure" without a second thought. CRITICAL ERROR. i had no idea the 5 was a freaking minivan. not just that, but a mini minivan. it's like a squished-up little minivan that could fit inside a real minivan if you pulled out the back seat.

everything about it felt plastic and cheesy, even the tires. i spun out, like, 28 times accelerating from a stop and the traction control only kicked in one time. it felt like i could knock it on its side with a buddy and one good shove. the way-back seats were so far back my backpack barely fit in the "trunk." i think the mustang i had a couple months ago was more fuel-efficient, this thing somehow managed to burn through a quarter tank of gas in a little over 36 hours.

bottom line: the mazda 5 feels crappy to drive, it looks dumb, it's insane to layout a car that freaking small like a van, i felt like a dork driving it and other people looked at me like "what a dork" when i was in it.

-2 out of 5 stars.

yuck city

i fly a lot. i've had fat people pouring over the armrest into my seat, drunk people passing out and leaning on me, old people who want to talk about grandkids for the entire flight, people with the worst breath ever mouth-breathing all over me and much, much more.

but we have a new world champion for the grossest thing ever to happen to me on a plane:

eye in the sky

traveling for work is pretty much the worst, but being 10 to 30 thousand feet in the air does provide the occasional photo opportunity.

notes from the land of sleep deprivation

RIP preston newby, you will be dearly missed and never forgotten.

seeing the first post-mortem declaration by a friend on facebook was a jarring experience but one that will only increase in frequency, i suppose.

i support the intentions of the Latinos for Obama BBQing outside my hotel but i do not support their compatriots honking in solidarity and waking me from the first sleep longer than three hours i've had since monday night. i actually went outside meaning to read the riot act to the idiot holding a "honk for..." sign but had a change of heart upon discovering the idiots numbered around 50 and didn't actually have any "honk for..." signs.

working out during a press check is one of life's little double-edged swords. one edge cuts away at your fatness and releases endorphins; the other edge requires sleep for recovery and will unleash all manner of tweaks, twinges and pains when deprived.


view from lancaster arts hotel room 310, 7:07pm.

see-saw

DOWN: waking up at 6:30AM on sunday to go on a business trip.

UP: upgrade to business class on the first leg.

DOWN: no air conditioning on the second plane with a good, long wait on the tarmac after they bent the tow bar during push back.

UP: lady at the rental car counter hooking me up with a red mustang.

FINAL SCORE: pretty close to equilibrium.

fun fact

according to my sources (press dudes), the amish around lancaster, PA are somewhat famous for running puppy mills and selling cocaine to the pagans. who knew?